When a Coworker Undermines You at Work: A Practical Guide for Nurses
If you’ve ever left a shift feeling small, second-guessing yourself, or replaying an interaction with a coworker who made you look or feel incompetent - you’re not alone.
In nursing, being undermined at work doesn’t always look obvious or overt. Sometimes it’s a comment made in front of a patient, a decision quietly questioned, or information you should have been given… but wasn’t. Over time, these moments add up, chipping away at confidence and making already demanding work even heavier.
This post is a practical guide for nurses dealing with coworkers who consistently undermine them. We’ll talk about what undermining actually looks like, why it happens, and (most importantly) how to respond in ways that protect your professionalism, your energy, and your career.
Why Being Undermined at Work Is So Draining
Being undermined by a coworker doesn’t just create uncomfortable moments. It slowly wears you down. When your decisions are questioned, your competence is subtly challenged, or your voice is minimized, even confident, experienced nurses can start to second-guess themselves.
Over time, this dynamic affects both performance and burnout. You may find yourself over-explaining, double-checking things you already know how to do, or staying late to “prove” your competence. In a profession that already demands focus, judgment, and emotional labor, working alongside an undermining coworker in a toxic work environment adds an unnecessary layer of stress.
These behaviors are especially common in high-stress environments like nursing. Chronic understaffing, heavy workloads, and rigid hierarchies can create conditions where frustration and power struggles show up as subtle undermining. Understanding why it happens can be helpful, but it doesn’t make it acceptable.
And if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re being “too sensitive,” here’s your reassurance: you’re not. Repeatedly feeling dismissed, corrected publicly, or made to feel incompetent is a legitimate nursing workplace issue - not a personal flaw.
What “Undermining” Actually Looks Like at Work
Undermining at work isn’t always obvious or aggressive. In nursing, it often shows up in subtle, repeated behaviors that slowly erode confidence and trust. An undermining coworker may:
Correct you publicly instead of privately
Offering “feedback” in front of patients, families, or coworkers rather than addressing concerns one-on-one.
Question your decisions in front of others
Second-guessing your clinical judgment during report, rounds, or in front of leadership - often without having the full context.
Withhold information you need to do your job
Leaving out key details during handoff, not sharing updates, or failing to pass along important communication.
Talk over you or dismiss your input
Interrupting you during report or meetings, or acting as though your contributions don’t matter.
Frame criticism as “help”
Using phrases like “I’m just trying to help” or “I’d do it this way” while consistently pointing out what you did wrong.
Create a pattern of subtle sabotage
None of these moments alone may seem serious, but together, they can create a toxic work environment that’s exhausting to navigate.
Why This Happens in Nursing
When you’re dealing with an undermining coworker, it’s easy to assume you’re doing something wrong. In reality, these behaviors are often rooted in workplace dynamics—not personal failure. In nursing, undermining is especially common because of:
High-stress, high-stakes environments
Chronic understaffing, heavy workloads, and constant pressure can push people into survival mode, where control and criticism replace collaboration.Rigid hierarchies and informal power structures
Seniority, specialty experience, or unofficial “unit authority” can lead some nurses to assert dominance by questioning or minimizing others.Burnout and emotional exhaustion
Burned-out nurses may project frustration outward, using criticism or micromanagement as a way to cope with feeling overwhelmed or powerless.Insecurity or fear of losing relevance
New grads, travelers, or nurses moving into new roles can unintentionally trigger insecurity in others, especially in environments resistant to change.Unit cultures that tolerate disrespect
When undermining behavior goes unaddressed, it becomes normalized. Over time, what should be flagged as a nursing workplace issue is brushed off as “just how things are.”
→ If you’re starting to see how much unit culture plays a role, you may also find this post on Simple Ways Nurses Can Advocate for Themselves at Work helpful.
How to Respond in the Moment (Without Escalating)
When a coworker undermines you in the moment, it can be hard to know how to respond - especially in front of patients, families, or leadership. You don’t need a perfect comeback. You need short, professional responses that set a boundary and keep the focus on the work.
Here are a few options you can adapt to fit your style and situation:
“I’m open to feedback. Can we talk about this privately?”
This signals professionalism while redirecting the conversation out of the public space.“I’ve got it handled, thanks.”
Simple and neutral, this works well when the undermining is framed as “help.”“Let’s focus on the patient right now.”
A useful reset when comments are made in front of patients or families.“If there’s a concern, let’s loop in the charge nurse.”
This brings in structure and accountability without sounding confrontational.“I’m comfortable with the plan we’re following.”
A calm way to assert clinical judgment without over-explaining.
These responses work best when delivered calmly and briefly. You don’t need to justify, defend, or debate in the moment. Setting a boundary doesn’t require raising your voice or proving your competence, it’s about clarity.
Setting Boundaries When It’s Ongoing
If a coworker continues to undermine you despite calm, professional responses in the moment, it’s time to shift from quick fixes to clearer boundaries. Ongoing undermining isn’t a communication issue, it’s a pattern.
Here are a few ways to protect yourself and your professionalism when the behavior continues:
Start documenting patterns, not emotions
Keep brief notes on dates, situations, and what was said or done. Focus on facts, not how it made you feel. This creates clarity - for you and, if needed, for leadership.
Address it directly once (if it feels safe to do so)
A private, neutral conversation can sometimes stop the behavior:
“I’ve noticed feedback is often shared publicly. I’m open to discussion, but I need it to happen privately.”
You don’t need to revisit this repeatedly. One clear boundary is enough.
Stop over-explaining or defending yourself
Constant justification often feeds undermining dynamics. Clear, concise communication signals confidence and limits opportunities for criticism.
Create consistency in how you respond
Boundaries work best when they’re predictable. Calm, repeated redirection sends a clear message without escalating conflict.
Loop in support when needed
If the behavior impacts patient care, teamwork, or your ability to do your job, it’s appropriate to involve a charge nurse, manager, or educator. That’s not being dramatic—it’s being professional.
→ If setting boundaries feels uncomfortable or guilt-inducing, I break this down further in my post How to Set Boundaries as a Nurse Without Guilt, where I walk through why boundaries are necessary (and how to set them without feeling like the bad guy).
When It Crosses the Line: Bullying and Toxic Work Environments
Not every difficult interaction is bullying. But when undermining becomes persistent, targeted, or harmful, it may signal a toxic work environment rather than a simple personality clash.
In nursing, workplace bullying often isn’t loud or obvious. It’s the pattern that matters. You may be dealing with bullying if the behavior:
Happens repeatedly, despite clear boundaries
Targets you more than others
Escalates when you speak up or assert yourself
Interferes with patient care, teamwork, or safety
Leaves you feeling anxious, isolated, or constantly on edge at work
At this point, the focus shifts. This is no longer about managing a coworker—it’s about protecting yourself.
If you find yourself constantly bracing for interactions, altering your behavior to avoid someone, or questioning your competence because of how you’re treated, those are important signals to pay attention to. Nursing workplace issues like this don’t improve through endurance or “toughening up.”
What to do when you recognize this shift
When undermining crosses into bullying, it’s reasonable to take the following steps:
Document everything clearly and consistently
Stick to dates, quotes, witnesses, and impact on work or patient care.Use formal channels when appropriate
Involving leadership, HR, or an educator isn’t overreacting—it’s using the systems that exist to address unsafe or unhealthy work environments.Give yourself permission to consider other options
Sometimes the healthiest move isn’t fixing the environment—it’s leaving it. Protecting your career and well-being is a valid professional decision.
A workplace that consistently undermines you is not a reflection of your competence or worth as a nurse. You don’t have to stay in an environment that erodes your confidence to prove your resilience.
Your Options Moving Forward
When you’re dealing with an undermining coworker or a toxic work environment, there’s no single “right” next step. What matters most is choosing an option that supports your well-being, your values, and your long-term career goals.
Here are a few paths forward (none of which require you to tolerate ongoing disrespect):
Continue addressing it through formal channels
If you feel supported by leadership, escalating concerns with clear documentation may help create change. This can be especially important when behavior affects patient care or team functioning.Explore a transfer or role change within your organization
Sometimes the issue isn’t nursing, it’s the unit culture. A different team, schedule, or role can dramatically improve your day-to-day experience.Begin planning a longer-term pivot
If you notice the same patterns repeating across environments, it may be worth exploring roles that better align with how you want to work. Career growth doesn’t always mean moving up, it can mean moving toward sustainability.Decide that this environment is no longer for you
Leaving a role that undermines you isn’t failure. It’s a professional decision rooted in self-respect.
You don’t owe loyalty to a workplace that consistently drains you or makes you doubt yourself. Nurses are allowed to want respectful, supportive environments. And you can take action when those needs aren’t met.
You Don’t Have to Earn Respect by Enduring Disrespect
Being professional does not mean being silent. Being resilient does not mean absorbing harm. And being a “good nurse” does not require tolerating environments that consistently undermine you.
If this post resonated, know this: you are allowed to set boundaries, ask for respect, and make career decisions that protect your energy and confidence. Those choices aren’t signs of weakness, they’re signs of growth.
If you want support setting boundaries at work, I’m creating a Boundaries for Nurses workbook with realistic, nurse-specific strategies. Join the Shine On RN newsletter to get notified when it’s available.
Disclaimer: The content shared here is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, financial, or legal advice. Always consult a qualified professional regarding your personal needs.